Sugar Secrets…& Guilt Read online

  Kerry bit her lip and said nothing. Maya had more or less hit the nail on the head; Sonja had said as much to her, going on about how she couldn’t figure out why Maya didn’t go for someone as sweet as Billy.

  “How about Billy?” Kerry asked warily, also knowing from Ollie how disappointed his fellow band member was about this new romance.

  Maya took a second to answer and looked totally down.

  “I’ve hardly seen him. He’s skipped photography the last couple of Wednesdays-supposedly ‘cause he’s had some football thing-but I think it’s maybe too weird for him to see me and Alex together, and that makes me really miserable.”

  “But it’s not your fault who you fall in love with!” said Kerry.

  “Yes, but you can’t blame him for feeling a bit weird,” said Maya sadly. “I think it’s hard for him to turn up at the photography club and act like nothing’s going on-even if me and Alex are trying to.”

  “What does Alex say about it?”

  “He doesn’t realise it’s a problem… at least, I don’t think he does.”

  “You haven’t spoken to him about it?”

  “Well, how can I bother him about some crush Billy once had on me, Kez?” Maya frowned. “It’s just going to sound so childish. He’s twenty- seven-he used to live with one of his girlfriends. This would sound so petty to him!”

  “But what about Billy?”

  “Billy’s great and he’s really smart. He’ll come round, I’m sure. He just needs a bit of time.”

  “I guess… And what about Andy?” asked Kerry. As a member of the photography club and a band member of The Loud alongside Billy, Ollie and Joe, it had to be strange for him too.

  “He’s been brilliant,” said Maya, a small smile of gratitude melting away her troubled expression. “The last couple of Wednesdays, it’s like he’s going out of his way to be normal and act like everything’s the same as usual.”

  Kerry felt for Maya, but one small niggle prompted her to put another point forward. “Maya,” she began nervously, “maybe you’ve got to make a bit of effort with all of us too.”

  “What do you mean?” asked Maya, her dark eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

  “Well, we’ve hardly seen you since you and Alex got together. You’ve only been in the End a couple of times, you haven’t been along to the Thursday night gig at the Railway Tavern for the last two weeks, and you haven’t come out with any of us at night at all. We miss you!”

  From the way Maya winced, Kerry knew she understood what she was saying.

  “Give me a little while, Kerry,” said Maya, clutching her nearly empty cup. “My parents are miles better than they used to be, but they’d still freak out if I went out too often-or what they’d consider too often. Right now, while me and Alex are still… well, undercover, I guess, I want to spend as much time with him as possible. It’ll work out, I’m sure.”

  “Really?” said Kerry dubiously, remembering Matt’s words about Maya moving on; about Alex wanting to hang out with people nearer his own age.

  “Really,” Maya reassured her. “Anyway, I’m getting a headache talking about myself: let’s talk about something else…”

  “OK,” nodded Kerry, letting her hand slip inside her jacket pocket. “Have a look at this.”

  Maya glanced from the envelope Kerry was pushing towards her across the table up into her friend’s face. Kerry’s eyes were wide and hopeful behind the metal rims of her specs.

  “We are delighted to offer you a conditional place at…”

  Maya’s eyes skimmed the letter she’d pulled out of the envelope and the realisation quickly sank in.

  “You’re going to teacher training college up in the city? That’s brilliant!” Maya exclaimed. “But since when? I thought you were applying to loads of universities all over the place?”

  Maya couldn’t read her friend’s expression-she seemed pleased and anxious at the same time.

  “Are you really pleased?” asked Kerry, almost nervously.

  “Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?” Maya replied. “That is, if you’re happy with going there. You are, aren’t you?”

  Relief seemed to sweep across Kerry’s face.

  “Oh, yes! It’s just what I wanted! But… but I just thought you’d be disappointed in me for going there-a local teacher training college doesn’t sound as, well, impressive as leaving home and going away to university.”

  Maya gave her friend’s hand a squeeze. “Who says? And it’s going to get you the same job you want in the end, isn’t it?”

  “Yes… it’s just that I thought everyone would think I’d been really stupid.”

  “Stupid? How do you work that one out?” asked Maya, confused.

  “Because…”

  Kerry looked flustered as if she were on the edge of some confession.

  “Because it was the only place I applied for. I never sent any other applications anywhere.”

  It sounded incredibly risky to Maya, putting all your eggs in one basket, but it didn’t sound anything to be disappointed in. She stared at the now fidgeting Kerry and tried to read between the lines.

  “You-you didn’t want to leave Winstead… or should I say, you didn’t want to leave Ollie, did you?” said Maya intuitively.

  Kerry fiddled with her glasses and nodded.

  “Kerry, that’s nothing to be ashamed of! You love your family, you love Ollie… they must be so happy knowing that you’re going to be studying so close to home!”

  But Kerry’s prolonged silence said it all.

  “You haven’t told them yet, have you?” Maya sighed.

  “No,” said Kerry, in a small voice.

  “Why not?”

  “Well… you know how my parents have given me lectures about not getting too serious about Ollie in the past; I thought… well, I think, that this is just going to give them more ammunition.”

  “Maybe,” shrugged Maya, “but your mum and dad are usually pretty reasonable. But what’s the deal with Ollie? Why haven’t you told him?”

  “He’ll think I’ve made too big a sacrifice for him. He’s always going on about me having everything I deserve”

  “Which includes being happy, Kez,” said Maya. “And if this makes you happy, then he’s going to be happy.”

  “Do you think so?” said Kerry, wide-eyed.

  “Kerry, you have a talent that amazes me,” grinned Maya.

  “A talent? What for?”

  “Making things twenty times more complicated than they have to be!” laughed Maya, reaching over to give her friend a hug.

  “Bleurghhhh!” said two small voices in unison.

  Maya and Kerry, arms still entwined, looked round into their kid brothers’ horrified faces.

  “What are you doing?” asked Ravi, scrunching up his nose.

  “Hugging my friend-what’s wrong with that?” Maya smiled.

  “Girls…” muttered Lewis wearily. “They’re SO soppy!”

  “What-so boys aren’t allowed to hug?” said Kerry. “You two would never give each other a hug if you were sad or something?”

  Ravi and Lewis gave each other a sideways glance.

  “ARGHHHHH!” they both yelled and raced off towards the nearest bouncy castle.

  CHAPTER 9

  YIKES!

  Maya looked down at her watch; it was a little past six-still enough time to catch some of the Sunday night Chart Show on Radio One, if they got a move on.

  Another thought struck her: by now their mother would be on a plane-delays permitting-on her way to a conference. It would be weird with just their dad in charge until Thursday.

  Wonder if the atmosphere will be different? thought Maya, trying to recall the last time her parents had been apart. She couldn’t think of an occasion.

  Sanjay and Nina Joshi always presented a united front, steering their children’s lives in the best way they knew, which tended to involve a lot of encouragement for heads-down studying and not much else. They were kind,
they were supportive, but their one-track vision of all three children being high-achievers in school terms was-at times-totally claustrophobic. Being the oldest, Maya had borne the brunt of this drive for perfection, until she’d finally stood her ground the previous summer and won some independence. All on his own, would their father be more relaxed, more laid-back with his children? Maya was quite looking forward to getting home and finding out.

  “Did you have a good time, Rav?” she smiled down at her little brother as they hurried down the street.

  “Yep,” he nodded, holding on tight to the light sabre he’d bought himself with his pocket money.

  “What was your favourite bit?”

  Ravi crinkled up his nose as he considered her question.

  “Being stuck on the sticky thing. That was good.”

  “I got a photo of you when you were on there,” said Maya, picturing him again, Velcro’d to the wall and waving happily at her. “I’ll blow it up big and you can have it up in your bedroom. Would you like that?”

  “Yep,” he nodded. “Oh, I just remembered something else I liked!”

  “What was that?”

  “When me and Lewis were running around and he fell. That was funny!”

  “But he hurt his knee, didn’t he?”

  “Yeah-but it was funny!” sniggered Ravi.

  Maya sighed. Boys had a strange way of looking at the world.

  “So, after all that running around and falling over, are you hungry?” she asked.

  “Nope.”

  Maya sighed again and wished she hadn’t let him stuff his face with popcorn and candyfloss alongside Lewis. Her parents, who both worked long hours during the week, put a lot of emphasis on family meals at the weekends; and tonight, with her mum away, it would be particularly important to their dad.

  “Try and eat something when we get in, Ravi, will you?” Maya whispered in his ear as she pushed the front gate open and ushered him through.

  “OK,” he replied happily, too tired after his afternoon’s worth of bouncing and yelling to say much more.

  The light spilling out of the glass panel in the front door looked comforting and warm from the drizzly, dusk-darkened path as Maya struggled to find her keys in her deep coat pocket. For a split second, it put her in mind of Alex’s living room the night before, with its soft blue walls, the low glow of the lamps, rain lashing down outside the tall windows while the two of them snuggled up on the huge, cosy sofa… Maya felt a wide, smile of happiness spread across her face.

  “Hi-we’re home!” she called out, closing the door behind her and bending to help Ravi out of his oversized puffa jacket while he still kept a tight hold of his new toy.

  “Ravi, go through to the living room and play with your sister, please.”

  “Play with Sunny? Sunny never plays with me, Daddy. She always says that I’m too—”

  “Ravi-living room. Now.”

  Maya turned from hanging her own coat on the rack and wondered what had got into her father. Had something happened while they were out? Was there some terrible news?

  “What’s up, Dad?” she asked, her heart thudding.

  “Kitchen,” said Sanjay Joshi, leading the way with a stony face.

  Apprehensively, his daughter followed him, trying to read his thunderous expression.

  “You,” he said accusingly, closing the kitchen door behind them, “have some serious explaining to do!”

  Maya felt her legs go wobbly and pulled out a kitchen chair to sit down on.

  What’s happened? What have I done? she panicked, barely aware of Marcus, their Burmese cat, weaving around her ankles, ever hopeful of a little snackette, even in the midst of a family crisis.

  In a hot sweat, she thought of Alex-but how could her father have found out about him? They’d been so careful…

  “What are you on about, Dad?” she asked, trying to buy some time till she knew how bad the situation really was.

  “You-you going out with some…” her father flailed about angrily for the right words, “…with some older man!”

  Maya didn’t need to buy time any more. She could see how bad the situation was. And boy was it bad.

  CHAPTER 10

  BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS

  Tramping down the crowded stairwell of the sixth-form building, Joe could see Maya further ahead, her face pinched and tired.

  If that’s what love does for you, she’s not a great advert for it, he thought, wondering if he’d worn the same tense expression all through his months and months worth of unrequited, unspoken longing for Kerry.

  Squeezing past the other dawdling sixth-formers cluttering up the stairs, Joe took the steps two at a time till he caught up with his friend.

  “Got the Monday blues? Or worse?” he said simply.

  “That obvious, is it?” Maya smiled, once she’d got over the surprise of finding him by her side.

  “Maybe,” shrugged Joe. “Going down the End?”

  “No-I can’t. I’ve got to go home and try and sort out my life before it gets any more complicated.”

  “Sounds bad,” said Joe, holding open the heavy door to the yard for her.

  “Worse than bad,” grimaced Maya.

  Joe looked around and waited till they were out of earshot of other people before he spoke again.

  “Alex?” he ventured.

  “Uh-huh. My dad’s found out - he flipped out at me last night.”

  “How did he find out?” asked Joe in surprise.

  “Through Sonja, would you believe,” Maya rolled her eyes. “Well, not that she did it deliberately. My darling little sister…”

  Maya paused as they approached the gate and gazed around to check that Sunita and her radar ears were nowhere in sight.

  “…heard Sonja talking about me and Alex in the End yesterday morning.”

  “Oh, God…” muttered Joe. “So what did your dad say? What’s happened?”

  “He just went ballistic about me seeing someone and seeing someone who was a lot older.”

  “Wow, I bet he’s just thrilled about that,” said Joe, his voice dripping with irony.

  “Delirious. But anyway, all I’ve admitted is that yes, I’m going out with someone, and yes, he’s older. And actually, I’m pretty lucky…”

  “How do you figure that one out?” puzzled Joe.

  “Well, because that’s all Sunny managed to overhear. She didn’t hear Alex’s name or figure out who he was, so that’s a bonus.”

  “What’s your mum saying about all this?”

  “Ah now, Joe, that’s my second bit of luck, if you can call it that,” said Maya, raising her eyebrows. “Mum’s away on a conference till Thursday and I’ve said I want to wait and talk to them both together then. Dad seemed to go along with that-I think he’s too chicken to handle this on his own, without Mum’s opinion.”

  “Won’t he mention it if he’s on the phone to her?”

  “He says he won’t - he says it’s not fair to burden her with this when she’s got so much on her plate with this conference.”

  “So, I guess it buys you a bit of time,” Joe suggested, giving her a sideways glance and seeing that the stress had gone from her face a little. He was glad if talking to him was helping, even if he couldn’t think of anything useful to advise her.

  “I suppose… not that I’ve got any bright ideas on how to handle it right now.”

  “What does Alex think?”

  “I haven’t told him yet… I didn’t think it was fair.”

  Joe was stunned. Why was Maya trying to handle this on her own?

  “But surely Alex—”

  “Joe, I just want to deal with this myself if I can. Poor Alex is this adult who’s used to normal, straightforward relationships with women. Now he’s taking a chance on me, knowing that I’ve got these narrow-minded, smothering parents who’ll flip if they even know I’m going out with anyone-never mind who that someone is,” Maya tried to explain.

  “But Alex would probab
ly hate the idea of you going through this by yourself!” Joe reasoned.

  “Maybe, but I guess I want to keep this whole mess away from him, in case it-well, in case it frightens him off. I don’t want him to see me as some immature little girl with this baggage of disapproving parents and everything.”

  Joe was surprised she’d think that way. From the little he’d seen of him, and from what Billy and Andy had told him, Alex seemed like one of the good guys.

  “He wouldn’t think like that, Maya! He’s really into you, isn’t he? If you’re bothered by something, then he’s going to care, whatever it is!”

  Maya hesitated as she walked and shot her friend a grateful smile.

  “You’re probably right, Joe. Thanks for saying that-I haven’t slept very well and I suppose I’m not thinking too clearly.”

  “No problem,” shrugged Joe shyly.

  “You know something?” laughed Maya.

  “What’s that?”

  “I’ve got this sudden craving for Cat!”

  “Cat? How come?”

  “It’s just that with everything feeling so difficult and complicated right now, I’d love to hear her just witter away-all that empty-headed, silly stuff she comes out with. All that stuff that normally drives me mad!”

  “I know what you mean,” Joe grinned.

  “Do me a favour, Joe-if you see her down at the End,” said Maya, her face much more animated than when he’d seen her earlier, “tell her to give me a ring later this evening. I want to hear all about her night out at that club on Saturday. She’s bound to have a few good stories that’ll take my mind off my own worries!”

  “Sure,” shrugged Joe. “Not that she’s been around the café the last couple of days, I don’t think…”

  Suddenly it occurred to Joe that he hadn’t told anyone his own bit of news yet. “Well, I’m not Cat, but if you want to hear something that might cheer you up…”

  “Anything, please!”