Sugar Secrets…& Guilt Read online

  “Nah… I couldn’t,” Matt shook his head, not quite ready to contemplate that much of a reconciliation.

  “‘Course you could! You’re Daddy’s big boy now!”

  “Get lost!” Matt grinned back at him. “OK-maybe I will. Maybe.”

  “Good lad. And when you see her, don’t forget to tell her how handsome and fit and popular with women I am, will you?”

  His father guffawed as he stood up, ruffled Matt’s hair and wandered off into the hallway and up the stairs.

  “I don’t know if you deserve it, but maybe I will give you another chance, Mum…” Matt muttered under his breath, drawing the card across the table towards him.

  CHAPTER 6

  SUFFERING IN SILENCE

  Sunday morning. The weight pressed down on her chest, as heavy as a sack of wet sand.

  In the distance, she could hear a radio buzzing out some old Phil Collins track, and the screech of drawers and rattle of hangers as her mother packed to go away.

  Cat took a deep breath, but the weight didn’t get any lighter. It felt solid and dark. Dark like her room. She’d lain awake all night, and even when the morning light had tried to sneak between her curtains, she hadn’t made a move open them.

  Cat rubbed her chest, hoping it might ease the heavy sensation, but it didn’t. Instead she turned over on her side-and winced suddenly as the duvet brushed against her grazed knees. Another reminder…

  A sharp knock made her jump, and she shrank further under her duvet as the door clattered open, interrupting her dark thoughts

  “Catrina? I’m leaving in a minute… Are you awake?” asked Sylvia Osgood.

  Instead of replying, her daughter groaned and slapped her hands over her face.

  There was a dull thud of footsteps, and Cat knew her mum was standing over her. The last thing she wanted to do was tell her mother what had happened the night before. Her mother who knew and understood nothing about her. Who constantly criticised her. Who barked disapprovingly at her for her choice of clothes and make-up.

  She’d probably say it was my own fault. Cat thought with a shudder.

  “Catrina-I know you’re awake. What’s going on? Come on, answer me.”

  Cat didn’t move. Suddenly she felt the duvet whisked away and her mother’s fingers around her wrists, hauling her hands off her face.

  “Catrina, what’s the matter. You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?” Sylvia’s face loomed angrily over her daughter. Cat kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut, refusing to respond in any way.

  “Catrina! Good God, look at you. And look at that pillow-covered in mascara! You haven’t even cleaned your make-up off!”

  “So what,” Cat mumbled.

  “You were drinking, weren’t you!” her mother snapped. Then a pink tinge suddenly flushed her cheeks. “My God-you haven’t been taking drugs have you?”

  “No! Of course not!” Cat barked, alarmed at what her mother might come out with next. “How could you even think that?”

  “Well, what am I meant to think? You go hurtling out to some dodgy club up in the city that I’ve never heard of, wearing that ridiculous outfit, with a bunch of people I’ve never met, then come back at all hours and won’t even answer me when I’m talking to you!”

  If Cat had been remotely considering asking her mother for help, the moment was past. Sylvia’s overbearing intolerance was more than she could stand. She clutched at the duvet and cowered back under the safety of its bulk.

  “Leave me alone. Mum! Just go, will you?!”

  “Go? How can I leave when my daughter’s taking ecstasy, or worse?”

  Cat stared up at her mother, wanting to slap her. Instead she leapt out of bed and stared into her face. “Look at me, Mum-do I look like I’m on something? Wouldn’t my eyes give it away?”

  “It’s not just eyes, it’s attitude too!” said Sylvia Osgood defensively, her hands on her hips.

  “Mum-I’m not on drugs, I’ve never taken drugs. It’s nothing to do with drugs, OK?” yelled Cat.

  “Ah…” her mother smirked knowingly.

  “Ah, what?!”

  “So it’s boy trouble, is it?”

  Cat’s rage was silenced, as the memory of what had happened in the alleyway flooded back. Sylvia Osgood immediately took her daughter’s reaction for a plain, old-fashioned “yes”.

  “Well, no man’s worth whinging over, Catrina; you should know that by now,” Sylvia sniffed haughtily. “I certainly found that out with your father.”

  “Like I need your advice,” muttered Cat, stepping past her mother, and heading for the bathroom.

  “Please yourself,” came the response. “And get that pillow case in the wash.”

  As she stormed into the bathroom and snapped the lock shut behind her, Cat could hear her mother dragging her suitcase-on-wheels along the polished wooden floor of the hall.

  Let her think I’m breaking my heart over some guy-anything to get her out of my face, thought Cat bitterly.

  Sinking down on to the edge of the bath, Cat looked at her scraped knees and badly chipped fluorescent pink toe-nail polish, and suddenly felt horribly sorry for herself. It was only then that she started to cry.

  CHAPTER 7

  SUNDAY MORNING GOSSIP

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to eat for a week…” said Sonja, patting her small, round mound of stomach.

  “Sure!” laughed Kerry, who knew that however naturally slim her best mate was, she still loved her food. And some meal at a fancy restaurant the night before wasn’t going to dent her appetite for too long.

  “Well, maybe. But don’t let that near me for the moment,” Sonja grimaced, pushing Matt’s greasy Sunday morning fry-up well away from her.

  “Oi!” protested Matt, watching his plate move out of reach across the table as his fork and knife hovered in mid-air.

  Kerry grabbed it back and steered it under his nose again.

  “Thanks, Kez. Just ‘cause some people overdid it last night doesn’t mean the rest of us have to go without.”

  “Hey, Matt-you make it sound like some wild night out. It was just my mum’s birthday, remember!”

  “Speaking of wild nights out,” Kerry interrupted them, “what do you think the chances are that Cat’ll show up this morning?”

  “There’s as much chance of seeing Cat in the End this morning as there is of me getting signed as a Radio One DJ in the next half-hour.”

  “Aww, Matt!” said Kerry, nudging him affectionately with her shoulder. His self-deprecating remark showed he was still feeling as bad about his dead-end ambitions as he had been the night before.

  “Well, would you surface from your bed on a Sunday morning after a night raving till the small hours?” he continued, ignoring Kerry’s sympathy. “I know I wouldn’t.”

  “Yeah, but Cat might,” Sonja pointed out, “for the simple reason that she might want to show off about the legions of guys who got down on their knees and worshipped her last night.”

  “That’s true,” nodded Kerry, knowing Cat and her talent for showing off all too well.

  “Hey, Ol,” Sonja suddenly yelped as their friend scurried by, order pad in one hand and empty plates balanced in the other.

  “Yep?” he responded, diverting his way over to them.

  “How’s Anna?”

  “Getting better-she thinks it was just a gastric bug or something,” he replied, trying to toss his floppy hair back off his face with a flick of his head, since his hands were full.

  “Oh, good. I mean, it’s good that her dodgy turn wasn’t ‘cause of something she’d eaten in here,” grinned Sonja, “or we’d all have been in trouble!”

  “Shh!” Ollie grinned back at her. “Nick’d kill you if he heard you say that in front of the customers!”

  “Like I mean it,” she said sarkily. “Well, I’d better prove my faith in his wonderful establishment then, hadn’t I? Bring me a Danish, will you, Ol?”

  “When I’ve got a second,” said Ollie,
still trying to flick away the hair that had attached itself to his slightly sweaty forehead. “It’s mad in here today with Anna being off and no extra cover.”

  Kerry, smiling wryly at how quickly Sonja had given in to temptation of the food kind, stood up and helpfully combed her boyfriend’s hair back with her fingers.

  “Couldn’t Irene or Dorothy do an extra shift?” she asked, referring to the two OAPs who made up the rest of the End’s regular staff.

  “Thanks, Kez,” Ollie smiled at her, now that he could see more clearly. “Nope-neither of them could make it today, so it’s just me and Nick, running around in circles. Don’t suppose any of you guys fancy slipping on an apron and helping out?”

  “No way. I just eat here,” mumbled Matt through a mouthful of sausage.

  “Ditto,” shrugged Sonja.

  “I would, Ollie, but I’ve promised to take Lewis out this afternoon,” Kerry explained, although the thought of running around trying to remember hungry-and often impatient-people’s orders filled her with dread anyway. She was more than happy doing one day’s hard graft a week in the relatively tranquil world of pills, potions and cotton wool balls at Mr Hardy’s chemist shop.

  “I know. I didn’t really mean it seriously,” said Ollie, backing away from the table. “Anyway, I’d better go, before Nick blows a fuse…”

  Kerry slumped back into her seat and gazed out of the window. “I wonder how Joe’s getting on at his dad’s?”

  “Mmm. I hope he’s not too nervous, getting back behind a wheel again…” said Sonja.

  They all felt for Joe-the accident hadn’t been his fault.

  “And where’s the missing Maya?” Sonja suddenly asked. “It’s like we’ve hardly seen her lately…”

  “Actually, I’m going out with her this afternoon,” said Kerry. “We’re taking Ravi and Lewis to this Kids’ Fun Day at the Town Hall.”

  “Well, tell her not to forget her old mates, will you?” Sonja asked, sounding half-joking, half-wistful. “Ever since she hooked up with Alex, she’s been like the invisible woman.”

  “I know…” nodded Kerry sadly. “I would hate it if we all broke up, just ‘cause love got in the way. It was like with me and Ollie-I really worried about that having an effect on everyone in the crowd.”

  “Yeah, but that’s different, isn’t it?” Matt pointed out, waving a piece of fried egg about on his fork to emphasise his point. “We’re all round about the same age, so we’ve all got reason to hang out together, whether some of us are couples or not.”

  “What are you trying to say?” asked Sonja, keeping a dubious eye on the wobbly piece of egg in case it flew off in her direction.

  “What I’m saying is, why would a twenty-seven-year-old bloke want to hang out with us?” he shrugged. “It’s more likely that Maya will start to get to know his mates. I think it’s pretty inevitable that we’re going to see less and less of her.”

  “If it lasts…”

  “Don’t say that. Son!” Kerry chided her best mate. The thought of Maya’s friendship with them all dwindling away made her feel totally despondent, but, at the same time, Kerry couldn’t wish her friend’s relationship to end, not if it was making Maya really happy. And from what she’d told them all so far, it certainly seemed to be that way.

  “Well, I still feel like she’s rushed into something, dating this Alex,” said Sonja, propping her chin on her hand. “It’s like Maya’s never had a boyfriend before and then, the first time she gets one, he’s ten years older! I just don’t know if she can handle it.”

  “But if she’s happy—”

  Kerry’s goodwill gestures were interrupted by the reappearance of Ollie, this time laden down with a tray of steaming plates.

  “Hey, guys,” he said with a lowered voice, leaning towards them. “I just heard you mention someone’s name there and… what was that slogan during the war? Oh yeah, ‘walls have ears’!”

  His three friends looked up at him blankly, trying to work out what he was on about.

  Ollie sighed and, when he spoke again, his voice was a whisper.

  “Don’t yak on about Maya and her secrets too loud-her darling sister’s sitting over at the table at the back with her buddies.”

  Sonja stole a glance over in Sunita’s direction, but was relieved to see that she seemed absorbed in her own crowd’s conversation.

  “Sunny wouldn’t have heard anything. We weren’t talking that loudly,” said Sonja confidently, crossing her fingers under the table.

  Ollie raised his eyebrows at her.

  “I hope not, for Maya’s sake…”

  CHAPTER 8

  KIDS’ STUFF AND GIRLS’ TALK

  The last time Kerry and Maya had been inside the Town Hall was at New Year. Then it had been transformed by lights, balloons and music from the staid and sensible building it usually was into a giant party for the night.

  Now, it was unrecognisable again, filled with bouncy castles, ball ponds, climbing frames, children’s entertainers and, of course, hundreds of yelling, whooping, deliriously excited children.

  All of that, most parents were relieved discover, was an ‘Adults No-Go’ area. In the relative serenity of the roped-off café section, Kerry and Maya said their “excuse me”s and squeezed between tables to find two empty seats.

  “I’m quite jealous!” said Kerry, after the first sip of her hot chocolate.

  “What of?”

  “That lot!” Kerry pointed towards the swarms of kids scurrying around. “It’s been years since I went on a bouncy castle-I’d love to have a go!”

  “I never really liked them,” said Maya, delicately dipping a finger into the creamy froth of her hot chocolate and then licking it off. “There were always too many boys pushing and shoving. I usually ended up with tons of bruises.”

  “Pity they never had those when we were younger,” Kerry nodded over towards one particular attraction.

  “What a minute-isn’t that Ravi?” asked Maya, peering in the same direction.

  Sure enough, a small hand began energetically waving in their direction and the two girls giggled as they watched Maya’s seven-year-old brother being zipped into a Velcro-backed jumpsuit and lifted on to a Velcro-backed wall, where he dangled happily, legs and arms akimbo.

  “I’ve got to get this,” laughed Maya, reaching for her camera. “I just wish I had my zoom lens!”

  As her friend concentrated on her shot, Kerry took advantage of the moment and quickly studied Maya’s profile. She was full of wonder that Maya had slipped into such a grown-up relationship so quickly and without, it seemed, any doubts.

  “So, did you see Alex last night?”

  Maya’s face immediately broke into a smile and she lowered her camera. “Yes.”

  “And…” prompted Kerry.

  “And what?” replied Maya, still smiling.

  “And how’s it all going?”

  “Nice. Really, really nice,” nodded Maya. “He made some food-a Thai curry, if you want all the details-and then he showed me some slides of stuff he did at art school.”

  “Very cosy,” said Kerry, grinning conspiratorially. “So, as Sonja once said to me, on a scale of one to ten, how happy are you?”

  “Ooh… I’ll give it an eight.”

  For a second, Maya looked a little wistful. Kerry was surprised-the way Maya had been over the last couple of weeks, Kerry was sure she’d have been nudging eleven out of ten at the very least.

  “Only eight? What’s Alex doing wrong?”

  “Nothing. It’s just, well…” Maya shrugged and looked over towards the playing children again. “It’s just that I don’t like all the secrecy. It would be nice if we could go out somewhere in public together, instead of feeling like criminals…”

  “What-in case your parents find out?” said Kerry, suddenly clicking. She’d been so caught up in the romance of it all that she’d pushed that obvious point to the back of her mind.

  “Definitely. And not just them-I don’t w
ant anyone from school, or anyone at the photography club, finding out either.”

  “Billy and Andy know,” Kerry pointed out.

  “Yes, but they don’t count. Well, I don’t mean they don’t count-it’s just that they’re mates; they wouldn’t go gossiping about it.”

  “But why don’t you want the others at the photography club knowing? Won’t they have to find out sometime?” Kerry asked gently.

  “Well, yes-but only if it lasts. I mean, me and Alex are only just getting to know each other,” Maya reasoned. “What’s the point in going through all the hell of people gossiping-never mind my parents’ reaction-till we’re really sure of how we feel?”

  “I guess so…” said Kerry, realising what a heavy grey cloud was hanging over her friend’s happiness. It didn’t matter that Maya was seventeen and that Alex was a tutor at an Adult Education Centre and not a school; to anyone who was just interested in tittle-tattle, the situation would be read as Twenty-seven-year-old Teacher Dates Schoolgirl Shocker!’

  “Listen, Kerry,” Maya began. “I meant to ask-what’s Sonja saying about all this? I feel like she’s gone a bit funny on me lately.”

  Kerry looked at Maya’s questioning face and knew she’d have to be straight with her. “She-she likes Alex OK, well, what she’s seen of him, but I think she’s a tiny bit worried about you.”

  Maya rolled her eyes. “Why, for God’s sake?”

  “Because she says you haven’t had much experience with boys… and now you’re going out with someone so much older.”

  “Sometimes she’s so like Cat-so judgmental!” sighed Maya, slightly irked. “I mean, just because I haven’t got a string of exes behind me doesn’t mean I’m totally naive, does it?”

  “No,” Kerry agreed. She’d always found Maya’s advice and opinions on relationships the most sensible out of all her friends, even though she’d never had a boyfriend before.

  “Of course, you know what the real problem is…” Maya flicked a meaningful look at Kerry, but Kerry didn’t know what she meant.

  “No,” she piped up.

  “Well, Sonja tried to do some matchmaking between me and Billy around Valentine’s day,” Maya shrugged, running her finger round the top of her plastic cup. “She really wanted us to get together, I think, even though she knew I wasn’t interested. That’s why she doesn’t completely get me and Alex.”